


[iasip music] Anakin Explains to His Darkest Timeline Son That He's Gay

by destiny919



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Discussion of Compulsory Heterosexuality, Force Ghosts, M/M, Mortis (Star Wars), also i mention skysolo but i'm not a baiting asshole so i didn't tag it, and how it's the real path to the dark side, set between ANH and empire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-24 21:29:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12021375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destiny919/pseuds/destiny919
Summary: "Ah, Padawan," said Qui-Gon. "The crux of the matter lies in that our world is prey to the spectre of compulsory heterosexuality."Obi-Wan gasped, horrified. "No! Not that!"





	[iasip music] Anakin Explains to His Darkest Timeline Son That He's Gay

**Author's Note:**

> anakin skywalker is gay thanks for coming to my TED talk

It's very odd. One moment the Clone Wars trio were sitting around a fire, trying to ignore the unsettling quality of the Force there on Mortis, and the next moment they were stumbling to their feet in the middle of a brightly lit aircraft hangar, apparently on a much colder planet.

"What the fuck?" Anakin blurted out.

"Where are we?" Ahsoka said, looking around at the large, unfamiliar hangar.

"Ten minutes," Obi-Wan said flatly. "That's all I asked. Ten minutes."

Senator Mon Mothma stared at them from a few yards away. "...General Kenobi?" she said, blinking. "And...Commander Tano? Is...is that _Skywalker?"_

"Uhhh," Anakin said, "in the flesh? Mostly?" He waved, and wiggled the gloved fingers of his right hand. Ahsoka rolled her eyes.

"Senator Mothma," Obi-Wan said, "Where are we?"

Mothma frowned ever-so-slightly. "I...am not sure i should tell you that just yet."

Anakin ignored her and concentrated on the Force. "Whoa, what the hell are we doing on _Hoth?_ And what happened to the Force?"

Obiwan reached up and stroked his beard. "Now that you mention it, there _is_ an even greater preponderance of Darkness than there has been lately."

"But _how_ did we get here?" Ahsoka pointed out. "And why does Senator Mothma look like she's seen a ghost?"

Mothma, despite all of her Senatorial trailing _,_ was visibly steeling herself.

"Because, Commander," she said. "I haven't seen either of your Masters in twenty years."

"Um, what?" Anakin laughed a little, nervous.

"...What year is it?" Obi-Wan asked, urgently.

Mothma looked even grimmer now. "Twenty years since the Clone Wars, General. You died last year, at the hands of Darth Vader."

 _"Another_ Sith?" groaned Anakin.

Mothma nodded shortly. "He killed Commander Tano three years ago."

Anakin and Obi-Wan both unconsciously but unsubtly edged closer to their Padawan.

The Senator continued, "And you, Skywalker... I never found out quite what happened, but you died those twenty years ago. The Emperor claimed you were killed fighting to bring down the traitorous Jedi."

"I was _what now?"_  Anakin said incredulously.

 _"Traitorous?"_ Obi-Wan gaped.

 _"Emperor?"_ said Ahsoka, seeing the big picture.

Mothma sighed. "There is much I must explain," she said, her tone hard but her volume soft. "Come with me."

.

Some time later, in a more secluded section of that same hangar, the three of them stood huddled close together, both because they weren't dressed for the severe chill of Hoth that was strong even inside the thickly insulated base, and because of all that they'd just heard.

"Master," Anakin said hesitantly, "do you get the feeling we're somewhere... _different?_ Not just in the future?"

Obi-Wan nodded, grim. "I do, Anakin. I very much do."

"Darth Vader sounds like the most evil Sith ever," Anakin said despairingly. "He killed you _and_ Snips!"

Obi-Wan reached out and touched Anakin's shoulder, as if he could not help himself. "And I got the sense that he somehow killed you too, dear one."

"Yeah, Master and all the other Jedi!" Ahsoka snapped, still severely shaken by what Mothma had told them. Especially the part about how _she_ hadn't been a Jedi anymore at the time, which was how she'd managed to survive - until three years ago, that is.

Anakin crossed his arms over his chest, shivering. "This is like, the darkest timeline."

Word had clearly gotten around about their presence, despite no announcement being made, and Mothma's express desire to keep their unexplained appearance secret. It was a small base. But a _large_ crowd had gathered in the hangar, whispering. Or shouting.

"Is that Commander Tano?" someone called out. "I thought she was dead!"

"And an adult!" a pilot yelled back.

"Is that the Negotiator?" a tech whispered, awestruck.

"Is that the _Hero with No Fear?"_  another pilot said much louder, before being hushed by her friend.

Said friend shoved her in the shoulder. "Come on, even the Empire couldn't lie about him being dead for twenty years!"

"Then explain to me how else that's _Anakin Skywalker- "_

The words had barely left her mouth before the two pilots were shoved aside by another orange-clad figure, this one a blond young man.

"Did you say _Anakin Skywalker?"_ he exclaimed, looking around wildly.

Reluctantly, Anakin said, "...Yeah?

The young pilot gasped and hurried forward. "I'm your son, Luke Skywalker!"

Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka all suddenly started choking on their own saliva.

"You're my _what?"_  Anakin choked out.

"Who is your mother?" Obi-Wan said, agog. "And- and- !"

 _"How?"_  Ahsoka said incredulously. "Anakin's so totally-"

Anakin, on instinct, clamped his metal hand over her mouth, and ignored it when she tried to bite through his thick glove with her sharp little carnivore teeth.

Luke looked on, confused. "Um, old Ben- uh, you, General Kenobi- told me my mother was a senator from Naboo. Her name was Padme Amidala?"

Anakin burst out laughing. "Wow, Master, it's not very nice to screw with the kid like that."

Frowning at him, Obi-Wan said, "I don't believe I did. Search the boy's Force signature. I can feel Padme in him."

Anakin soon quieted as he examined Luke's presence more closely. "...Huh. But _how?"_

His padawan smirked. "Well, Master, when a human man and woman love each other very much- usually when one of them _isn't_ gay as shit-"

Anakin covered her mouth again.

Uncertainly, Luke ventured, "So I guess in, um, in your time, you and my mom aren't together?"

"No!" Anakin blurted out, mildly horrified.

"...Oh."

Quickly, he continued, "I mean, Padme's amazing, but! But!"

"But _what?"_  Luke said plaintively.

Obi-Wan rested a gentle hand on Anakin's shoulder. Ahsoka had already dissolved into giggles beside him. "I believe Ahsoka and I should go speak with Senator Mothma some more. You have some things to discuss with your...son."

"Master-!" Anakin protested, terrified.

Obi-Wan waved to him airily, mostly supporting Ahsoka's weight while she continued laughing too hard to walk on her own. "May the Force be with you, darling!"

"...Darling?" Luke said, amused.

Anakin groaned, and then proceeded to just jump straight in, his usual strategy. "So, um, Luke, I don't really know how to put this?"

"Put what, Father?"

He was terribly startled by this sudden form of address, and then rubbed a hand over his eyes. "I'm gay, Luke." Luke blinked at him. "Like, super gay, wow."

Luke laughed a little. "I mean, same! But...I don't really understand. Then how do I exist? What about you and my mom?"

Anakin groaned again. "Yeah, I have no idea. Padme's one of my best friends, but we've never been attracted to each other. I tease her all the time about that crush she had on Obi-Wan, though. She just always fires back that mine was _way_ worse, which, y'know, yeah."

Luke's silence was rather eloquent.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Anakin sighed.

"You had a crush on old Ben?" Luke said, obviously trying not to start giggling like Ahsoka.

"He's not old!" Anakin retorted defensively. "Like, I call him an old man all the time to mess with him, but, trust me..." He smirked. "He's not old."

Luke shrugged. "I mean, he was when I knew him. But I've seen...yours, and yeah, he's... definitely not old." He had a particular look on his face. Like so many others, like his father before him, Luke Skywalker had been Kenobi'd.

Anakin was still smirking when a wavering blue shape appeared

The Force Ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi, desert hermit edition, said worriedly, "Young Luke! What's going on?"

 _"...Master?"_  Anakin said, appalled.

The wrinkled, ghostly, blue version of Obi-Wan Kenobi stared at him.

Powering through the awkwardness, his specialty, Luke said, "Ben, you...remember my father."

Suddenly, the ghost yelled over his shoulder, _"Qui-Gon!"_ And he disappeared.

Luke and Anakin both blinked at the spot where he had been, wearing almost identical expressions of nonplussment.

"Ooookay," Anakin muttered, "I think we should get _my_ Obi-Wan."

"Yeah, that might be a good idea," Luke agreed fervently. Skywalkers always need a Kenobi to solve their problems, it was just the way of the galaxy.

Anakin projected his need through the Force and called plaintively, "Master!"

Obi-Wan returned very quickly, Ahsoka in tow. "Yes, dear one?" He noticed Luke and coughed. "Ah, yes, Anakin?"

Luke rolled his eyes. He and Ahsoka somehow shared a long-suffering look.

"Can you _please_ explain to me what the fuck just happened?" Anakin whined.

Obi-Wan looked at him bemusedly but indulgently. "Perhaps you should try first?"

Anakin explained.

Obi-Wan started out stroking his beard but quickly devolved into rubbing his whole face. "Well, I suppose I wasn't _entirely_ idle while Luke was growing up. My alternate self seems to have mastered the Way of the Whills."

"The what now," Anakin said.

"He- I- managed to preserve my discrete consciousness in the Force in such a manner as to allow myself to manifest to young Luke, here."

"You can _do_ that?" Ahsoka blurted out.

Obi-Wan nodded at her. "Most cannot. The skill has almost been lost, in fact. Qui-Gon was exploring it before his death, but when he never appeared to me, I assumed he had not gotten far enough along. It seems my other self succeeded where he failed." He actually looked rather unsettled by this notion.

Reasonably, Anakin told him, "Well, you had twenty years of not much else to do, Master. Qui-Gon was busy carting _you_ all over the galaxy."

"Hm, that must have been a wonderful change of pace," Obi-Wan said musingly. "Not having an unruly padawan to cart around the galaxy..."

Said unruly padawan (one of them, anyway) rolled his eyes. "Master, why don't you ever remember that nowadays I can just pass those jokes off onto Snips?"

"Can and _does,"_  Ahsoka added.  

"Oh, dear me." Obi-Wan smiled at her innocently. "My sincerest apologies, young one. I promise to make my mocking more difficult for Anakin to pass onto you in the future."

"Or, y'know, you could just roast me less," he suggested.

In unison, his Master and Padawan replied, "Nah."

Luke was still watching their whole effortless exchange, enraptured, when Force Ghost Obi-Wan - let's call him Ben - shimmered back into view.

"Young Luke, Ahsoka...Anakin, would you three mind if I spoke to my younger self alone?" Ben requested delicately.

The three of them just blinked while Obi-Wan tensed.

"Um-" Anakin started.

"It's alright, Anakin," Obi-Wan interjected quickly. "I'm sure we won't be long."

Still looking mutinous, Anakin nonetheless allowed himself to be led away by Ahsoka, Luke trailing after them.

Obi-Wan turned to his ghostly alternate self. "Alright, what don't you want them to hear?"

"Darth Vader is Anakin," Ben said bluntly. You don't need to be cryptic with your twenty-years-younger twin who might be able to avert the horrible future that produced you.

Obi-Wan startled badly. "What-what do you mean? How?

"I- we- failed." Ben sighed. "He fell to the Dark Side. I'm sure you've heard Palpatine is the Sith Lord we were looking for all those years ago."

Obi-Wan nodded, scowling despite himself.

"He manipulated Anakin for years," Ben continued glumly, "until the threat of Padme's death finally drove Anakin to swear his loyalty to the Sith."

Obi-Wan visibly relaxes. "Ohh, I see. Alright, you may calm down. That isn't a concern for us."

"...What?" Ben said blankly.

"Anakin- my Anakin- and Padme are not together," Obi-Wan explained.

Ben sighed again. "I'm sure you would like to believe that, but search your feelings-"

"She was a witness at _my_ wedding to Anakin last year," he interrupted.

Ben choked on the ghost whiskey he'd been drinking and started to sputter in a rather un-Jedi-like manner.  _"W_ _hat?_ You- you and Anakin are- ?"

"Since he was knighted, yes." Obi-Wan smiled the gentlest smile in the world. "We confessed our feelings before, but I insisted we wait."

After a long, very pregnant pause, Ben said, "I don't understand. What happened when you were assigned to protect Senator Amidala?"

It was Obi-Wan's turn to look blank, innocently so. "Well, she and Anakin became rather close friends. I believe they bonded over their crushes on me."

Ben only stared at him.

He continued, "In fact, without Padme's encouragement, I'm not sure Anakin would have been able to confess his feelings to me. For that, I will be eternally grateful to her."

Ben tried to sit down hard on a crate and fell through it. Still on the floor, he said, "How. How did things turn out so differently in your world?"

Suddenly, Qui-Gon Jinn's Force ghost shimmered into view. Obi-Wan inhaled sharply.

"Ah, Padawan," said Qui-Gon. "The crux of the matter lies in that our world is prey to the spectre of compulsory heterosexuality."

Obi-Wan gasped, horrified. "No! Not that!"

His Jedi master nodded gravely. "Truly, the fear and hatred which lead to the Dark Side are never stronger than when wielding that miserable weapon."

"...I'm sorry?" Ben said, eminently confused.

"Anakin is gay, my friend," Obi-Wan informed his other self.

Qui-Gon inclined his head. "And in his world, nothing forced him to deny this. As it is now, here, it will be young Luke's duty to heal that scourge upon the galaxy. His love for Captain Solo- a charming fellow, I must say," he added approvingly, "will right the wrongs left behind by the twisting of Anakin Skywalker's gay little heart."

"I need another whiskey," said Ben weakly.

Obi-Wan, thinking of a world in which Anakin's gay ass tries to be straight, concurred.

 


End file.
